Episode 30: What Does Your Life Say About Your Faith?

Most of us know the Golden Rule: Treat other people the way you would want them to treat you.

It’s a good rule. Jesus taught it. And if we all consistently lived by it, a lot of our relationships—and probably a lot of our workplaces—would be healthier.

But Jesus gave his followers another way to think about love. And it asks something more of us.

In John 13:34, he said, “Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another.” (John 13:34, NRSVUE)

Think about the difference.

It’s one thing to ask, “How would I want someone to treat me?”

It’s another thing to ask, “How has Jesus loved me—and what would it look like for me to love this person that way?”

I was reminded of that recently when I attended the Strength & Dignity Conference hosted by Cornerstone Church in Oviedo, Florida.

The speakers were excellent, and I came home with several ideas I wanted to think about more deeply and share with you.

One of the sessions was led by Kimberly Cummings, who directs the Women’s Ministry Team at Lake Hills Community Church in California. One of her sessions was “That We Might Love One Another.”

And it sent me back to something we see throughout Scripture.

In Leviticus 19:18, God commands his people to “love your neighbor as yourself.” Jesus repeats that command in Matthew 22 when he says the second great commandment is to love your neighbor as yourself.

And then there’s what we commonly call the Golden Rule. In Matthew 7, Jesus tells us to treat others the way we would want them to treat us.

Those ideas are closely related, and I think we sometimes blend them together.

Love your neighbor as yourself.

Treat people the way you want to be treated.

Both are powerful principles.

But there’s a problem with using ourselves as the measuring stick.

We’re not always very good at loving ourselves.

Think about how easily we can replay our own mistakes. How harshly we sometimes judge ourselves. How difficult it can be to let go of something we said or did years ago.

We may extend grace to somebody else and then refuse to extend that same grace to ourselves.

We may tell a friend, “You made a mistake. Learn from it and move on,” while continuing to punish ourselves for our own mistakes.

So if I’m the standard for how well I’m going to love somebody else, sometimes that standard may not be particularly reliable.

But in John 13, Jesus changes the point of reference.

He doesn’t say, “Love one another according to how well you happen to love yourself.”

He says, in effect, “Look at the way I have loved you. Love one another that way.”

Now the standard isn’t me.

The standard is Jesus.

And that changes things.

Jesus loved by serving.

Earlier in that same chapter, he washed his disciples’ feet. He took the position of a servant and did something none of them seemed eager to do.

That kind of love doesn’t worry about whether a task is beneath us, it simply focuses on what the other person needs.

That can show up in some very ordinary ways.

If you’re a leader, it might mean stepping in to help with something that isn’t technically your job.

It might mean giving someone your attention when you would rather move on to the next thing.

It might mean helping without needing everyone to know that you helped.

Jesus also loved with compassion.

He noticed people other people overlooked. He welcomed people others kept at a distance. He responded to sickness, grief, fear, and need.

And he was patient.

Think about how often the disciples misunderstood him. How often they got distracted or argued about things that weren’t important. How often they simply failed to grasp what he was trying to teach them.

And yet he kept teaching them.

He kept loving them.

He kept investing in them. And when they failed him—as they repeatedly did—his love didn’t disappear. His patience and compassion made room for forgiveness.

Jesus forgave.

But his love was also truthful.

And I think that’s important because sometimes we confuse love with simply being agreeable.

Jesus didn’t do that.

He could be deeply compassionate and completely truthful at the same time.

He didn’t pretend harmful behavior was harmless. He didn’t avoid difficult truth just to keep people comfortable.

So loving someone the way Jesus loves us does not mean approving of everything they do.

It doesn’t mean saying yes to everything.

It doesn’t mean eliminating healthy boundaries or allowing someone to mistreat you.

Love and truth are not enemies.

Sometimes love comforts.

Sometimes love serves.

Sometimes love forgives.

And sometimes love says something difficult because pretending everything is fine would not actually be loving.

And, of course, Jesus loved sacrificially.

Ultimately, he went to the cross for us.

Most of us will never be called to literally lay down our lives for another person.

But we are asked all the time to lay down smaller things.

Our convenience.

Our pride.

Our need to have the last word.

Our desire to be recognized.

Our assumption that if we do something for someone, they ought to do something for us in return.

That’s where this gets practical.

Because anyone can be polite.

You don’t have to be a Christian to be generous or kind or compassionate. People of all beliefs—and people with no religious belief at all—can demonstrate remarkable goodness and sacrifice.

So the point isn’t that Christians have exclusive ownership of kindness.

Jesus said something more specific.

Right after giving that new commandment, he said in John 13:35 that people would know we are his disciples by the way we love one another.

What sets that love apart isn’t just the action itself. It’s the heart behind it—the sincerity, the motive, and the desire to love as Jesus loves us.

It’s possible to behave politely toward someone while quietly resenting them.

It’s possible to help people we like while having very little patience for people we find difficult.

It’s possible to tell the truth without compassion.

And it’s possible to use compassion as an excuse for avoiding truth.

It’s easy to love when love is returned.

It’s harder when someone disappoints us, frustrates us, misunderstands us, or simply gets on our nerves.

And those may be the moments when this command becomes most meaningful.

Because in those moments, the question becomes very simple: What would loving this person the way Jesus loves me look like right now?

That may mean patience. It may mean truth. It may mean forgiveness, service, or a healthy boundary. The answer will depend on the situation. But the standard stays the same: not simply what feels easiest or even what I would want, but what reflects the way Jesus loves.

Treating people the way we want to be treated is a good start.

Loving our neighbor as ourselves is a command Jesus affirmed.

But as his followers, we have another question to ask:

Did I love this person in a way that looks anything like the way Jesus has loved me?

Because Jesus said that kind of love should tell the world something about who we belong to.

And that isn’t the only way our lives can point people toward God. When life is hard—when we’re hurting, struggling, or even facing opposition because of our faith—how we respond can do the same thing. We’ll talk about that when we come back