Episode 33: Lead Better. Let Go Sooner.

We talk a lot about leadership—what makes a good leader, how to motivate people, how to build trust, how to communicate clearly.

But most of the leadership advice we hear still assumes that the leader and the people being led are actually in the same location.

What happens when they’re not?

What changes when your office is a screen, your meetings happen on Zoom, and much of your communication is through email, text, Slack, or some other digital platform?

And this isn’t only a business issue.

Churches and ministries increasingly work with staff members, volunteers, donors, and other people across distances. Families and friendships rely more heavily on digital communication than they used to. We may be connected to people all day without actually being in the same room.

I thought about this while I read Virtual Charisma: Leading with Influence, Trust, and Christ-Centered Vision in a Digital World. It’s a book by George Arnold and Susan Snyder, and it’s a worthwhile read. I’ll put a link in the description. [Amazon link: https://amzn.to/3SsbMrp]

Arnold and Snyder describe leadership as a sacred calling and a sacred trust bestowed by God. They write that authority is responsibility,
influence is service,
and success is faithfulness.

That’s an important place to start, because before we talk about how to lead virtually, we need to think about what good leadership is in the first place.

They write:

“Jesus Christ demonstrated the greatest leadership model in history. His leadership was not built upon status, intimidation, personal gain, or positional authority. It was rooted in humility, truth, compassion, service, and sacrificial love.”

Jesus made essentially that same point to his disciples in Mark 10. He warned them against the kind of leadership that uses authority to lord it over other people. Instead, he told them that whoever wanted to become great among them should become a servant.

That doesn’t mean Christian leaders don’t exercise authority.

It means we understand authority differently.

Having authority gives us responsibility for the people who have been entrusted to us. Influence isn’t simply a way to get people to do what we want. It’s something we use to serve people and accomplish a worthwhile mission.

And serving people doesn’t mean never correcting them.

Arnold and Snyder make a point I especially like about what it means for an employee to feel valued. They write:

“Feeling valued does not mean employees are never corrected or held accountable. In fact, clear expectations and constructive accountability communicate that a leader believes a person is capable of growth and meaningful contribution. A valued employee can receive constructive conversations without feeling diminished because the correction is offered to help them succeed, not to embarrass or control them.”

That distinction matters.

Sometimes we confuse kindness with avoiding difficult subjects. We don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, so we don’t tell them what they need to hear.

But caring about people doesn’t mean pretending everything they do is fine. Sometimes respecting someone means believing they’re capable of doing better—and caring enough to tell them in a way that helps them grow rather than tears them down.

Those principles apply whether you’re sitting across the desk from someone or looking at them on a screen.

But the screen changes something important.

Arnold and Snyder put it this way:

“Technology connects people, but leadership creates relationship.”

We can be more technologically connected than ever and still be relationally distant.

You can have email, instant messaging, video meetings, project management software, group chats, shared documents, and more—and still have people who feel disconnected, confused, overlooked, or uncertain about what’s expected of them.

Technology gives us ways to communicate.

It doesn’t guarantee good communication.

And it certainly doesn’t guarantee good leadership.

The authors make another observation that I think is especially useful. They say:

“Technology exposes leadership weaknesses; it does not usually create them.”

A leader who communicates poorly in person may become even harder to understand remotely.

A leader who assumes everybody “just knows” what they’re supposed to do—or how they’re doing—can create even more uncertainty from a distance.

I know what that feels like. Years ago, when I was in the corporate world, my boss was in another city. The only time I heard from him was when there was a problem or I had done something wrong. I learned to dread his calls.

That wasn’t a problem created by distance. But distance made it worse. There were no casual encounters in the hallway, no quick word of encouragement, no ordinary contact to balance those negative calls.

And poor communication isn’t the only leadership weakness technology can magnify. A leader who doesn’t trust people may start monitoring everything they do. One who isn’t accessible may virtually disappear. And one who focuses primarily on productivity can forget that there are actual human beings behind all those assignments, emails, reports, and deadlines.

Arnold and Snyder write that “sustainable performance depends on human well-being.”

People cannot continue doing good work indefinitely when they’re exhausted, isolated, confused, overwhelmed, or constantly under pressure.

And that applies in ministry, too.

We can send volunteers schedules and instructions, hold meetings online, and distribute information efficiently. But sending information is not the same thing as maintaining a relationship.

And even outside formal leadership, there’s something here for our personal relationships.

A text message can transmit information. It isn’t always enough to communicate care.

So what does good leadership look like when you’re not physically present?

Arnold and Snyder say virtual leaders need to be intentionally visible through regular communication, clear direction, accessibility, and meaningful engagement.

I think the key word there is intentionally.

In an office, a lot of communication happens almost accidentally. You pass someone in the hallway and speak, stop by a desk for a quick chat, or get a question after a meeting.

When people are working remotely, those opportunities may not exist.

So communication has to become more deliberate.

People shouldn’t be left wondering what’s happening, whether priorities have changed, what they’re responsible for, or whether their leader even knows what they’re doing.

Silence creates a vacuum, and people will usually fill that vacuum with assumptions—assumptions that may not be accurate.

But communication is not enough. Clear direction becomes more important, too.

What are the priorities? Who owns which responsibility? What does success look like? Who has authority to make which decisions?

Those things may need to be stated more explicitly in a virtual environment because people have fewer informal opportunities to clarify them.

Leaders also need to be accessible.

But accessible doesn’t mean available every minute of every day. Intentional accessibility is not constant accessibility. Leaders need boundaries, too.

But the people you lead should know how and when they can reach you when something genuinely requires your attention.

And meaningful engagement is more than putting another meeting on the calendar. Too often, a meeting is just something else to do.

People need to know that what they contribute matters, that somebody notices what they’re doing, that their concerns can be heard, and that their daily work connects to the larger mission.

People need more than tasks. They need to understand what those tasks contribute to.

Arnold and Snyder write that technology, artificial intelligence, and global collaboration will continue to transform the workplace.

And they’re going to continue transforming ministries and personal relationships as well.

The technology will keep changing.

But the human needs underneath good leadership probably won’t change nearly as much.

People still need trust, clarity, accountability, purpose, and the knowledge that they matter.

So if you lead people—whether that’s employees, a virtual team, volunteers, a ministry, or some other group—here are a few questions worth asking yourself.

Do people know what you expect from them?

Do they hear from you primarily when something is wrong?

Do they know how to reach you when they need you?

Do they understand why their work matters?

And is the technology you’re using strengthening trust and relationship—or simply replacing them?

The question isn’t whether we’re using enough technology. It’s whether we’re using it in ways that help us lead people well.

Technology will keep changing. The platforms we use five or ten years from now may look very different from the ones we use today.

But the qualities that make someone worth following won’t change: humility, truth, service, trust, clarity, accountability, and genuine concern for people.

Leading virtually doesn’t require a new definition of leadership.

It requires us to be much more intentional about practicing the kind of leadership we should have been practicing all along.

And good leadership requires us to pay attention not only to what we need to start doing or do better. Sometimes growth also means recognizing what we need to stop.

When we come back, we’ll look at some things you may be doing that it’s time to quit.